We Have the Answers Within to Heal: Real Talk with Claire Uncapher: Intuitive and Transformational Life Coach and Energy Healer

In this week's episode, I had the pleasure of speaking with Claire Uncaphor: Intuitive and Transformational Life Coach and Energy Healer. Claire has a wealth of wisdom, training, and real-life experience to offer her clients, helping them get to the root cause of their emotional pain, limiting beliefs, and negative thought patterns to experience inner freedom, reclaim their authenticity, and experience more joy in their lives. Claire's empathic, intuitive, and systemic approach is reflective of her own commitment to live her life with authenticity, presence, and unconditional love. Enjoy, and much love.

Show Notes:

To learn more about Clair Uncaphor's work and offerings, go to her website at www.claireuncapher.com

Follow Claire on Instagram @claire.uncapher

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Learn more about Kristen O'Meara here

The intro song “To Meet the Light” and outro song “Where the Light Is” by lemonmusicstudio

Transcript

Kristen O'Meara: 1:16

Hello everyone and welcome to Intuition Talks. I am Kristen O'Meara and I am here with a new friend, Claire Unkefer, and I'm so excited to have met you, Claire. You are sharing such a unique Way of working with people and we're going to dive into that really soon, but I, I really appreciate all that you offer, which is working with people to get to the root cause of their suffering of what is limiting perhaps their self perception, how they're seeing the world and, tapping into the. Limitless power that we all have. So Claire, why don't you just share a little bit about who you are and. And how that is coming out into the world from you. Sure. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Um, yeah, a lot of this is based on my own experience. And then when I started working with other people, uh, to help them, you know, hurdle the same journey or help them along the path, I started noticing. And so the work that I do today is based on kind of the step by step, like journey that I've noticed. I didn't, I don't think I really noticed it from the outside that there was a pattern to it. But when I started working with people, it became like the same thing over and over again. And so there's like this type of woman and man, but really this type of woman where, um, you know, I struggled with depression for years. Some people are just like not happy, but they don't know why. There's really no reason. Um, and a lot of people will say, oh, well, I know it's probably my trauma from my childhood or my self worth or whatever, you know, they, they think they have a pretty good idea. And we, and we usually do. But, um, we, we do all the things we do and we, you and I were talking before you hit record that I'm not anti medicine or anti therapy, but that doesn't always work for everyone. And I'm a nurse and I've, I've been on both sides of that seeing, you know, this is what traditional medicine has to offer and, and people do it, but it, it often doesn't give them the relief. That they're looking for or the or the long lasting relief that they're looking for Yeah, and they'll find themselves back in this space and How the hell did I get here? I thought it was better blah blah blah and um I help people uncover the root cause of Of their depression or anxiety or unhappiness or whatever it is through subconscious work. And, and I don't mean like you're fully awake, you're not hypnotized. I just know how to help people access their subconscious minds. It's kind of like a backdoor. And I teach people how to do it themselves because the answers are All within you and that's why I was sitting across from a therapist for all those years and I Wasn't making headway was because I didn't even have access to the information that we should have been talking to talking about. Isn't that true? And I, I, I hate to interrupt. No, no, no. Yeah. It's so true because I was telling, um, you earlier and folks, um, I've probably shared in the past that I spent years training to be a therapist and I'd had a lot of my own therapy. Um, and of course there are different types of, of talk therapy and, and I think it's helpful. To a point, particularly for people who haven't had that mirroring or that person to listen to their story because stories are so important. Um, but after a while, uh, it just seems that. At least the therapists that I know, they seem to want to go access different ways of working with clients because they see it too. So the soul has not been conditioned. So we can go through in our mind and, and try to, you know, get rid of those habits or, or whatever, but we have to be able to find the answers in the ways that work for us because not, they're not necessarily the answers of the ways, you know, that other people have that are telling us that are going to work, even though they might be great. Does that make sense? Yeah. And I, I, the question for me is I was like, don't make, you don't need to make me feel better. Please help me heal. Yes. I don't need you to help me feel better. Please help me heal. How do I do that? Right. How do I do that? And I think it's amazing. I really challenge people to drop that story. In fact, I tell people at the beginning of our work together that we are on a treasure hunt and that I know what I'm looking for and, and, and they're going to love what we find, but we have to kind of step out of the story. And so people will start going down that rabbit hole of telling me their life story and. And, and, and then I'll just kind of redirect them because I'm, I'm looking for certain words that will, Oh, there we go. That's where we need to go. You know, but, um, I love it. Yeah. But it's, it's how to, don't make me feel better. How do I heal? And I challenge people to drop the story and also consider. Like, what would it be like for me to give up my identity as a depressed person? My identity as an anx, you know, having anxiety, because an anxious feeling isn't bad. There's, there's reasons why we have anxiety. Our body and mind are trying to tell us something's off, and we're not paying attention, and it's actually super awesome to learn it. How to tap into that wisdom, but we've been told, Oh, anxiety is bad. Let's try to eliminate those symptoms, but anxiety and depression are not the problem. They're the, they're the symptoms of the problem. And so when we go after what the real problem is, it's usually, and how we do that through the subconscious work. Is we go back, you know, we just asked the mind, whatever the inquiry is, when was the, when was this wound, did this wound happen basically? Like, when is the first time I ever experienced this or what belief did I form that kind of solidified this way of being, or, you know, and we'll often, uh, the mind will go back to some sort of. Memory, scene, and it's not scary, and it's not, it doesn't even matter, it's like, so doesn't matter, your mind is playing charades, it's telling you a story, but, um, it'll be something like, I'm standing in the driveway, and I'm playing ball with my friends, you know, and I'm like, okay, you know, and. But then it's what happens is they get to see that their parents were arguing in the house. And what they started, they're absolutely able to tune into that like little seven year old version of themselves. And when I asked them, what are you concluding right now? And like good things don't happen to me and won't happen to me or I'm not good enough because if we were happy and I was good enough, then they wouldn't be arguing. It's my fault. They're arguing or it'll, they'll, they'll form this like earth shattering belief that. They can start to see that throughout their lives. They always held that like I don't matter. Yeah, I'm not lovable. I'm not good enough I'm insignificant. I have to earn love. I'm not just inherently lovable I have to earn it through my actions and being good enough and all that and Once we heal that you feel different because you are different. First, I just want to say it's so wonderful about your work because you're not, feeding the mind with that story, which is so great. So when you, when you don't give the mind what it wants in terms of going back to the story, it kind of, Force isn't the right word, but like you said, it redirects the consciousness or the, uh, of the self awareness to there's something else outside of that story, you know, to, to unpack, like you could think that, Oh, I'm always going to be alone or I don't feel this self worth. But then when you go and try to figure out, like you said, the root cause, then that opens a doorway and another doorway and another doorway and another doorway, like you said, to heal. Um, Because inherently, I believe we can all heal ourselves. Yes. And you being the guy that you are, because we're not trained as children to understand how to heal heartbreak or to forgive or to be still, or to, to develop the tools that we all inherently have to heal ourselves. It's such a wonderful gift that you're offering to guide people to, you know, you're more than, than what you're telling yourself every day. And it really brought to mind that we all need to have bouts of. What we might think is depression, although there is clinical depression for sure, but there are times of sadness that I think that We need to honor because we might not have grieved something that, that we're, you know, becoming aware of. And I don't think that we have enough time in our modern life to feel maybe some anxiety, or maybe that's our intuition trying to tell us something or to feel some sadness. And I think there's this self help industry that's kind of coming with this message of. You know, all of these feelings, you know, you need to be happy. You need to be happy and happiness comes and goes. Yeah. I'll give you, I feel called to share this. What's happening in my life personally this week. Um, I think probably a therapist and psychiatrist might look at my situation this week and be like, Oh my gosh, you're depressed. Let's up your medication. But what's happening this week is my oldest son is graduating from high school and getting ready to leave, to go to college. And. Um, I'm happy for him. I'm having a very interesting emotional response to it. It feels like grief. It feels like, it feels like grief and like a loss. And because we've already kind of lost in he, you know, he's graduating, he's got a full time job. He's moving away. Like it's no longer like, I can't just assume he's available Sunday for dinner. Now I have to say, Hey son, I'm What's going on in your life? Are you available for us? And so it's a huge transition. And so I've been breaking into tears, um, at random times all week and not very motivated. I was in my sweats yesterday on Mother's Day and my husband was concerned about me. And I said, I'm not depressed. I'm experiencing and processing some grief and loss and sadness, and it's very important that I allow it to be, and I know, good thing I know how to move it and, but I'm allowing it. And because it's appropriate, right? And so, but I think with my history in the past, With like breaking down into tears, I think I would have been like, Oh, I better call somebody and like go on medication. But really, no, my body's processing totally normal. And, and you're right, there is clinical depression. And you and I kind of talked beforehand. I've had both postpartum depression and just clinical depression. And, um, and like, I want your listeners to know like severe depression. Like, I've been there where I didn't want to live anymore. I've been there where I couldn't stop crying and I didn't know why. I've been there where small things were hard and I just would break down. And, and, but the, the, and that's not the time, by the way, to do this work. Yeah. Get, get. Yourself better place, you know, get on your medication and see your therapist, get yourself to it. Cause it does take a certain amount of energy to do this work, but the root cause is only the first piece we talked about, you know, your podcast is called intuition talks. I started noticing that one of the biggest reasons we're unhappy is because we don't live. In alignment with our intuition, but the way I call it authenticity, we don't, we aren't free to choose, make choices and to be who we really are, our essence, right? Um, and the message lovingly from people that love us is be you up to a certain point. Be you as long as it doesn't upset, disappoint or inconvenience me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then, so we've learned to kind of mold ourselves to other people's satisfactions and expectations, right? But that's not who we are. And so part of the healing process is, is, is really Embracing who you are perks and all like, wow, you know, what is the, my, my spirit's very disruptive, but I consider that and I would got in trouble for it my whole life. And I feel like God gave me that. Yeah. Um, I feel like that's, it's a spiritual quality. It's. Yeah. Because you're speaking like about the shadow in a way, right? So, um, and I, I'm sorry to interrupt you. I just, I love what you said about that. Um, and I don't know, tell me, um, if you got the feedback growing up that, oh, this is an equality that's really acceptable or, um, something that, uh, you may be suppressed. So, I think that. The more intuitive development work we do. And the more we understand who we are, we can learn, or we learn, or we see that, Oh, this aspect of me, this flamboyant or eccentric aspect is a gift. It's not something that I need to keep suppressing. Cause I think that can cause anxiety and depression too. Cause we're not, like you said, being authentic are, we know when we're not being authentic. And I think that can have its own set of symptoms. Well, yeah, like I always joke around. I said, my body won't let me betray myself. Like that's where the anxiety and the unhappiness and everything comes in. And it's because I've said yes, when I meant no or no minute when I meant when I meant yes. And so, and it's, you're right. It's, it's about you loving yourself. And then once you can, and not just, I'm not talking affirmations. It's a really incredible process. I'm not talking, you know, Intellectually, we know what we should do. I'm talking about at the level of your nervous system in your bones, really loving yourself and accepting yourself. Then if someone else doesn't accept you. You don't make it mean anything about you. It means it might mean they don't prefer you, but that doesn't even matter to you because you know, you, you tell you the story you tell yourself is, well, they just don't get me. That's fine. I'm gettable. Um, next, you know, but you don't. Take it in like you've probably taken it in your whole life and and what that has made us do I always joke that we all have like a cover photo on our lives, right or on us. We have a cover photo We have like we call them social masks or whatever you want to call it But when you can take that off And be like, listen, this is me. Not all relationships survive that shift. Actually. It's really. Yeah. I've, I've gone through so many, I've shed so many skins in my, my healing journey. Friends have come and go. It's, it's interesting. And it's, I can be a hard part, but yeah, it's, it's, um, and, and being careful to not make that mean, um, I should just tuck that right back in. Yeah. Um, it's just, it's just. It's okay. It's the shifting the natural shifting that occurs through the healing process and you know, it really is Allowing what needs to leave your life to leave your life and letting what needs to come in, come in. And then there's this, I call it the uncomfortable void. There's a void when you let go and something new is coming, but hasn't come. And there's like this void, just kind of like surrendering and all as well and loving yourself and trusting. And that's when life gets, um, dare I word they use magical. Yeah. And yeah, when you can really, and really tune in with yourself and it's fascinating to me, Kristen, and I'm sure you get this because you teach intuition, how many people don't know how they feel about things or what makes them happy. You ask the question, what do you just, what does, does your spirit love and it just kind of look at you confused, you know? So it's about getting to know yourself again too. Yes. And I, um, I've actually, it's really funny. I've reconnected with my seven year old self this week because I've gotten a little serious and when I was a little girl, I would wear these really fancy dresses because I was the only girl out of four boys, four boys and one girl. So I got all the cute dresses, but I was a tomboy and playing with my brothers. So I would play outside barefoot in these beautiful dresses. And. just carefree and happy. And so I have spent time with her, um, this week in my meditations. And it was actually, you know, I had a little moment with her where I, I, I said, I don't even know how to be like you anymore. And she said, I'll teach you. Oh, so it's, it's, it's just, you know, it's, it's not that I would consider myself. I've healed myself from depression and anxiety. And I help people understand the root cause of their depression and anxiety and where, why they, the how, where, why, and when they ever started to feel those feelings, what was going on. It doesn't even have to be something as much as anxiety and depression. You know, a lot of people, women that come see me have control issues. Yes. And we'll take them. I'll ask the mind to show us, Hey, where did that ever come from? And it will take us to some random scene, not even a super traumatic scene from their childhood, where something was out of control. I've had one woman, she went back and, um, her cousin, An aunt were in a car accident on their street and they brought them into the house and all she remembers is all the blood and she thought her cousin, who was her best friend, was going to die. And so this is not safe, right? This is. The world isn't safe. The world isn't safe, right? And, um, another time I had a client go back and she was at the grocery store with her dad and they got locked out of their car and it was winter and there were no cell phones and they couldn't get ahold of her mom. And so she started and her dad didn't come for her, not because he was a horrible person, just because he was trying to probably figure it out. Right. And she remembers being cold and not. Knowing when and if help was coming and she was like five and so the mind goes, I know, I don't like this feeling of being out of control. So. So to experience this again, we're just going to be in control of everything in charge of everything and that's, that's a great plan, right? Um, fast forward to, you know, 30s and they're in their 30s and 40s. It's not a great plan. It makes you miserable. You don't really like that aspect of yourself. Other people don't like that aspect of yourself, right? Yeah. And it's, it's just a program that continued to run just like the unlovable program continued to run. It is a program. And you know, I call it like in this book, um, I book that I've written that it's coming out in the fall. I call it, I had to differentiate the mind because the mind You know, there are different aspects of it. I, I believe. So we've got like the lower mind or the ego and the higher mind that can, the higher mind can hold like non linear thought, curiosity, objectivity. It can link to and accept the unknown, but the lower mind, the ego personality, whatever you want to call it, um, When there has been like a significant threat to survival, like the, the five year old in winter time, as you know, it will, it will create a program of there are, I'm going to put us in the safe box and we're going to travel in it. I just like to try to challenge people about labels because. You know, another little boy, same thing. He, and this is a teenager, um, he was struggling after, uh, an act of violence at his school, a really horrible act of violence. And he was struggling and started having anxiety and didn't want to go to school. Didn't want to like, Go anywhere anymore and appropriately so the parents were concerned took him to the pediatrician pediatrician sent him to a psychiatrist psychiatrist put him on medicine sent him to a therapist. Let's talk about this anxiety. Now we've got an anxiety disorder for the rest of our life. Right, right, right. And May and maybe like yeah, like did I didn't work with this little boy I just the story just like struck me because I was like, oh my god, he's gonna grow up Managing my anxiety when his response was appropriate to what happened Yes, his mind. Well, you know like he got stuck in it, but his his mind was like Wow. I could just go to school and just something really bad could happen and hit me from the side and I wouldn't see it coming. The world isn't safe. Right. And so I know I've got a great idea at that lower mind. Let's just not go anywhere. Then we're safe. Yes. Yes. So that's why I love The intuitive development piece and the mindfulness, if you want to call it that, cause it's, you know, it is what it is, but sometimes I don't like even the term mindfulness because when I was running a wellness center at a high school, they were like, Oh, mindfulness, whatever. But really, if you just talk about bringing your awareness to the present moment and however, through whatever practice you want to use and. Use the opportunity to connect with the body. Like you're talking about with the nervous system and having that validation that yes, that was a really horrible experience at school, you know, validate, yes, some confirmation validation. And of course you're scared. Every person's different. So maybe that. That child or that teenager, I don't, how old is he? He was 14, 14, you know, we're all so different, you know, I, I would only imagine that it's okay to be home for a period of time, you know, they're there, you know, connect with animals, you know, and if medication is the only route. To, to help him resource or help him in that moment. That's fine too. But there are other ways, like you said, to heal and we want to move. So, and I think this goes back to making space to grieve, making space to be sad, making space to be anxious because there are other parts of us that are telling us that, that it can heal. But when we're rushing because we're anxious parents or we're anxious. In general, we really love our child. We really want to help our child. But when there's this big rush to get them into the doctor, get them on meds, get that label. It's just, sometimes I feel like we just need to take a step back. Yeah, it's, it's, um, it's allowing yourself to just like, and you know, but I explained to clients, you're going to want to be up here telling me about things. And I'm going to ask you a question. You're going to think about it. I need you to drop down and just let the answer drop in or bubble up and, and it's beautiful what happens. And then I'll even say, Oh, you've, you've, you've come back. You know, cause that's the problem. We're all smart. We can't intellectualize ourselves out of this. Unfortunately, that's the thing that I wish the self help industry would understand is that you can't, we, you cannot affirmation your way. And I do affirmations, but there's, you have to feel it in your body. You have to, you know, how like someone tells you something, you're like, yeah, that's truth. But you feel it in your heart, in your body. Yeah, and so the client is not going to heal until they have that experience themselves related to what's going on with them. They have to come to this point. That's my job, is to get them there. They have to come to this point that they're like, My God. Oh my God, I get it now. I, I, I didn't see it before and I had one client say, it's like there was this door in the wall and it was there the whole time, but I didn't know it was there because it was a secret door. And you just went, look, there's a door. And I went, Oh, that's cool. And I just, that was so simple, but it, it really is. It's not going subconscious. People are afraid of subconscious. It's not going to be anything you're surprised about because the subconscious mind is so closely related to intuition. And that's why I don't, I have three certifications in hypnotherapy. I don't hypnotize people anymore. I teach people how to get to that space that they are. Talking to their body, talking to their mind, trying to get information, understanding, you know, understanding, and then teaching them to do this for a life skill. Yes. Right? Like, and what's right for me? And then again, people will try to pop up into their brains. No, no, no, no. What's right for me? What do I want to do? And the answer will drop down or bubble up. Yeah. That's the easiest way I can describe it. And it will be usually simple. Do you? Yes. And it's usually for me, when I've had it for myself, it's usually like a couple of words and it's always simple. It's not complex. And when you know it's really super complex, it's coming from the mind. Yeah. I tell people it's a, it's gonna be a very simple word or phrase. And that's, that's how it comes. That's how, and, but then there's some things we do that they can kind of like get more information. But the first thing that comes is a very simple word or phrase and it drops down or bubbles up. And I love the look on people's faces when they realize, Oh my God, there is something there, you know. So you, I love what you offer. You offer, I believe two different programs. I mean, you have a whole suite of offerings and I want you to, to share what those are, but they're two in particular. Yeah. So, um, oh, the inside out healing method is, and I do that one on one with people, or I have a self paced program that people can go through and do the work themselves. Um, I just have all the tools in one place and, um, The inside out healing method is the five steps to go through to to really Know yourself in it. It's the root cause Authenticity learning to tolerate people being disappointed You know in your choices, um communication. That was another surprising one but it it's fine if we're happy and healed or getting there or learning to like, um, Be ourselves, but if we are staying in patterns of reactivity with people in our lives That's No, no. Bueno. So we, yeah, we, we unlearn some common ways of communicating and we learn some techniques. And it's, and this was trial and error. My husband had come up with these over the past five years because we decided we were not going to do it the way we had been doing it in our previous marriages and it didn't get us, you know, so we were, we were going to do it differently. So just relearning these simple communication strategies, shedding skins, learning how to shift identities, how to talk, how to talk to the worst parts of you, how to get, you How to get that part of you to understand that it's now safe. It's now, you know, it's, I just did this with somebody this week, you know, we talked to a part of her that has armored up. Yes. He's armored up over, you know, and it's okay to put the, the armor down. Yeah. It's okay. You survived it. You know, you needed it then, but you don't need it now. And we, but we had to have a conversation with the part of her. And that part of her had to feel like, Oh, thank God, you know, cause this has been a lot to carry and really feel like it was given permission to like, not be anymore. And then the last thing is the body speak method, which is, um, it was a way I worked with clients and their bodies and their nervous systems and to release stuck emotions and to get the root cause. And then I'm, I simplified it into 10 steps. Uh, so that it could be repeatable. And I teach people that, um, and it's basically, you know, the body speak method, discovering what your body already knows and, and just connecting you to that, your body, and that's, that's just like a course, um, and you can do it with me or. Or a course on, um, yeah, just connecting to where, where the answers are, how to get your own inner guidance, um, how to get the, all that wisdom, you know, what is my anxiety trying to tell me? What is, you know, what is happening right now? I'm triggered. Why? What's happening? And how do I fix it? And how to get those answers. And so that is for me been the biggest thing that's been the game changer because life happens, life will go on, and that's a tool that I can grab to to feel better so that I don't have to carry emotions around. Oh, I love that. So powerful. Yeah. Cause I'm a feeler And, and just, yeah, just that's a lot of what's a trick when we say triggered it's, there's these unprocessed, unfully digested Experiences and or emotions that are sitting in your, whatever you want to call it in your field, in your body, in your nervous system. And all we're doing is releasing them. And that's the healing process. We're not regurgitating it. You're not, I'm not, I don't care about how your week was. I do care about how your week was, but, but we're, we're, we're healing here. And, and it's really funny. People are so, your body wheel will decide what's next. Yeah. There's no agenda. Um, I worked with somebody and we booked the appointment and then for two days she like couldn't sleep and her heart started palpitating and I've heard that and that's her body getting ready to purge something. Yes. Yeah. And that's really interesting too where we have different perspectives like you're, you're bringing up right now about the body. You know, different perspectives that we would perhaps without that awareness or without that, um, body awareness or relationship with the body with that sleepless nights and preparing for, you know, the session, we may Just say to ourselves, Oh, this is a bad thing. You know, I need to medicate this or this isn't okay. And it could be excitement. The spirit and the body might be like, I'm really excited to like, get rid of this stuff. Yeah. You know, there's, there could be all sorts of things. And I think we're, we, um, We think that all uncomfortable feelings and experiences are negative. And I just. Yeah. Well, she, she, it's not comfortable. Right. And I told her it's, you know, it's, she was a mom and she is a mom of two. I said, it's like when you had your babies, it wasn't so comfortable in the delivery room. Was it when you were birthing that emotion, right? That baby, when you were birthing that experience where we're getting it out of your body, right. It's not very comfortable. It might, it might make us lose a night's sleep. It might make my heart flutter, but then I'm, I'm the doula. Yeah. Yeah. I help you deliver that, and then here's your baby, you know, like, now, oh my god, now I feel so much better. But the, the actual Um, you know, and I had a, a business coach tell me never tell people that it's gonna be work. Ever. They're not gonna sign up for that. And I was like, then they're not, then they're just not ready. Because when you're miserable enough, when you're miserable enough, where I was and where people are when they come see me, I joke, I call myself the last resort practitioner. They're like, what do you want me to do? I'll do anything. I don't care. Because a, a little of my work, you know, that intuitive world is a little, your work is different. And lawyers, navy seals, you know, real people that you would never think would like try to tap into their, like, what, what do you, I, I'm miserable. What do I gotta do to feel better? Mm-Hmm. if you are not in that space. Good. Yeah. But for the people that are, for the people that are in that space, and for me, when I got to that point, I remember thinking there's got to be something better than this. And I, I felt a sense of anger and power that I wanted to turn around with my medical sword and say, let's do this shit. For me, I know that it was so that I could help other people. So I had to show them the way out. So, so that I could sit with them and really get how they're feeling like I, I get it like I've been there. I don't, you know, I, and I know that there's a way to, to better, you know, and it's not, it doesn't have to be. I'm going to ditch everything I'm doing and do this, but, and I tried everything. It was so desperate. I, I literally tried and there are so many healing modalities that are so wonderful that I was so hopeful were going to help me. And nothing would make it better, nothing would make it better until for me, I found this kind of relationship with my, with my mind and my body that is like, what do I need to know here in order to heal? And for you, you said, you kind of touched on it, it might be, but like when I'm going through something difficult, I seriously say, what am I supposed to be learning here? Yes. Yeah. I never liked the answer. Yes. Yes. Yes. And it's almost like, God, I've been through enough. Like what am I supposed to be learning? Yeah. But there is always something. And you know, you know what it is for me every time learning how to let go even more, even more, even more, surrendering, trusting more. And for me, it's loving myself more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Accepting yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Don't make. What are you making things mean? Right. Like, just like I said, like I'm bursting out in tears and having what might look like a depressive episode, but I'm just like, you know, being a sad mama who's getting ready to lose her 18 year old to the world. And he is like ready. He's gone. You know, like he's not, I'm not sure he's coming back. He's just. And that might be like the whole freshman year. I mean, like, and that's okay. Like we need to honor the fact that my gosh, your baby's leaving the nest. Yeah. I have three more. So we use humor a lot in our house. And so my, my daughter's like, it's like, you know, you have three of them, three more like fine. You know, like just, it's fine. Just spend more time with us. You're going to be hugging them so much. Like, yeah, but what are you, what are you telling yourself? What story are you telling yourself right now about what you're experiencing? You know, and, and, and another one big one, I think for women, that's so important is, um, committing to say no when they mean no and yes, when they mean, yes. And, and that's like a mantra of mine because I'm really bad at that sometimes, even this morning at the gym, it was really funny. I was at the gym and I was on the rower for two minutes, warming up before my, before lifting some weights. And I, I had AirPods in, hello people. I don't want to talk to anybody. You know, I just want to be here and do my work and leave, and this is my time. And this guy comes up to me. And he goes, would you like some feedback on your rowing? Oh, no. He's like, let me show you how to make this more efficient. And in my mind, I'm like, And I'm like, I said, sure. Uh, but in my mind, I'm like, no, I don't want feedback on my rowing. I just did it to warm up and to get, you know, to work out. And I had, I've been working out for years and years and years. And he's like, well, I rode and call, you know, I'm like, I don't freaking care, you know, but in, so that's inside what I'm feeling, but I didn't let that social mask, that cover photo go. I went, sure. And I was nice. and sat there and listened to the man correcting me on something I don't really even care about. I don't care how efficient I am on the rower, people, you know. And so I, when I got in the car and I was still irritated, I was like, Yeah, it's always say yes when you want to say yeah, when you know, say what you mean I love I could have said what could I have said, sir, thank you so much. Wow, I really appreciate that. But actually, no, I'm good. I just I'm good. Thank you. Thank you though, for your concern. Yeah, exactly. I, I just, I felt it's interesting because we feel like we get to a place where, oh yeah, I've got this. I've got the boundary thing. I've got the, but it was just like a week ago. Someone had described, um, I was listening to a podcast and a woman that was talking was saying something like when you say yes to someone but if it doesn't feel like a yes to you, like instinctively you're saying no to yourself. I was a little mad at myself this morning, but then I was like, let it go. Because I already know what a full body. No. And a full body. Yes. Feels like, yeah. Um, and my whole body, it was like, no, I don't want you. Yeah. And I didn't. So the thing I was upset about, I wasn't upset with him. I was upset that I, I was caught off guard, you know, and I didn't honor myself. I just kind of like, it would happen so fast before I knew it, it was over. And I was like, you know, I just didn't stand up for myself. And because, but I was, you know, in the gym, in my zone. That's my time. That's my time. I have four kids and I, you know, interact with people all day. I, that, that is my hour. But, but then I was like, I believe everything happens for a reason. So even things that happen like this, like for some reason in a day or two, I already know that is going to serve me to help me help someone else. Yes. Exactly. And sometimes we need those, not like we're asking for them when we wake up in the morning, but it does wake us up perhaps to another insight, something about that. Like you said, you're going to have a client come in and it's going to be fresh. Do you know what I mean? Mm-Hmm. it'll be format, or, or there was, you know, or it was just like a reminder Yeah. To, to walk, you know, like, to follow what you teach. Right. And, which I do, but, and to maybe understand that it's not, it's, it's not easy. It, you know, yeah. There's a hundred different instances that you could insert, but the important thing is that. Self compassion, right? Instead of beating myself up. I was just like, okay, I was caught off guard. Yes. Yes. Self compassion. Self compassion. People are so hard on themselves. And I just, you know, sometimes when people do share with me what, you know, they've experienced or we've revisited something and I'm like, my God, I think you've done amazing with what you've been through. Holy cow. You are, you are a rock star and they're so hard on themselves. And I think that's probably one of the most important practices that in gratitude, I think for, for folks who are on a healing journey, because the more self awareness. We have perhaps hindsight's coming in and we're seeing the bigger picture and we're looking back and looking forward and, and maybe not happy with the choices that we made and kind of like reconciling because we're getting more information. And I think having that, like you said, that self compassion and that gratitude. Kind of help shore, at least it shores me up. So I'm not so hard on myself. Yeah. And yeah, you can edit this part out if, if you don't want me to say it, but, um, I listened to a few of your podcast episodes, which I loved by the way. Um, As I was preparing, I always do that. And what just came into my mind is Kristen should never be hard on herself, like literally ever, because I know you've talked about with your audience before you have an autistic son. That's just something many of us will never know. You are taking care of your elderly parent. You're a single mom. Um, like that assignment and that role is, is so important. A different kind of challenge that like many of us will never know. And everybody has their challenges, but like, I just think you should give your break yourself a break every single day and just remind yourself what you are doing and what you have on your plate, you know, and just, you get a pass. Girlfriend like thank you like you just you know and and and you could if people can step back and be like Actually, because my husband does that to me. He'll be like well look what you're dealing with right now, you know A few minutes ago. Our son had pneumonia I was trying to work while he was home like all this stuff and And I had a big project going on and some other things were happening and he's like, and I was just like, this month is going to kill me. And he was just like, I think you're doing amazing. And I was like, thank you for that reminder. You're right. And you're right. I am amazing. I was like, once he said it, just remind, just remind yourself, everyone remind yourself what you have on your plate right now. Yes. Like we can forget like we really can it's so easy because we're going to the next thing. Yeah. No, I mean that picture Back up to the big picture No wonder you're feeling the way you're feeling Look at what you have on your plate. Look at what you're dealing with. Look at what's going on and if within that You know, you're not listening to yourself or you're committing small acts of self betrayal. I use that word all the time because that's what it is. Um, it just piles on. So true. Yeah. Oh, I just love talking with you. I love talking with you too. So much wisdom and, and you, it's, it really comes across when, when healers are out there and they've, they've done the work and they are willing to be vulnerable and, and, and they know how to hold the space. They know how to hold the space of their clients and. And bring that wisdom, and being that, that, like you said, that doula, that guide of like, there is, there is empowerment. There is hope. There is more, more to you. There's hope. There is, there is hope. Um, it, it requires learning and unlearning some things and discovering some things, but there is hope. And, um, I think that's. The inspiring message that, that I felt like I never got, I felt like the direct and indirect message was something's inherently wrong with your brain. Yeah. I don't think I ever got that either with the people I worked with when I was depressed. Something's wrong with your brain. Hope is so it, we, we need inspiration to heal. Well, I, I just, I adore you. I, I think your offerings are amazing. Oh, thank you. And I just really appreciate this time. I really appreciate it. Absolutely. Yes. And I want you just to spend just a moment, just letting people know, um, what you have going on and how to reach you. So you can go to Claire on comfort. com and, uh, I'm sure Kristen will be in the show notes. Yeah. Claire and comfort. com. You can reach me, uh, through that website. And it also has ways you can work with me and more about my work. If you're just interested in learning about it and then. Um, I have, I'm active on Instagram. Um, my handle is at Claire dot Unkoffer and you can DM me and I will respond. Oh, thank you. Thank you for spending time with us. I really appreciate it. Yeah. Thank you. All right. Take care of everyone. Much love. Have a great week. Thank you.